@ 36 Weeks

1. Place to sleep :: check
2. Crib :: check
3. Mattress :: check
4. Diapers, etc. :: check
5. Clothes, etc. :: check
6. Blankets, etc. :: check
7. Fear of God, or of our impending highly-variable variable :: check

Nobody tells you that the fear comes in waves. In less than 30 days, regardless of whether he comes on time, early, or late, there is going to be a third person living with us. For ever. He could still turn out to be a she, though it's unlikely. This person, though he will live with us for many years before going in his own directions, has already staked out enormous psychological, intellectual, emotional, and physical territories that will last the rest of this life. If you ask me, it's a remarkable survival strategy : two cells do a little dance, and suddenly start replicating the mixture of information created by their tango--natural curls, olive or pale skin, blue eyes or brown, ENFP or ISTJ. The mere presence of two cells that become four, eight, sixteen... 300 billion, alters the chemical makeup of the brain so much that, in combination with the pleasantly-offered but not always so graciously-received advice of "those who have gone before," the paths of one's life are re-evaluated, re-calibrated, and otherwise diverted, altered, changed in order that the replicating cells can be cared for in some intellectual, emotional, or physical way for the remainder of one's life. And I'm not even carrying the baby!

On Saturday, Monica and I took a "Prepared Childbirth" class at the Washoe...errr...Renown Medical Center South Meadows. I was thoroughly prepared for the worst, having heard many horror stories of just this class. As the day wore on, though, we realized our extraordinarily good fortune. It became clear that the horror stories had come from friends who had teachers other than this woman, Denise. She led us through the maze of information, expectation, and fear with much wisdom, wit, and humor--not to mention a thoroughgoing knowledge of her field. Those who teach for the love of education have aspirations of just this mixture, I think, and it's a rare--and therefore easily recognizable--gift and skill. I learned a great deal: where to go, what to do, what to bring, how to think about planning for the unplannable. I also felt relieved, welcome to do what feels right (contractions 5 minutes apart for an hour? go to the hospital. contractions 75 minutes apart and worried? go to the hospital; they'll send you home, most likely, but go to the hospital). Many of my thoughts were confirmed, but many others were challenged (have those really just been Braxton Hicks contractions all along?). Mike and Eryn and the girls came over for dinner Friday night before we went to the class on Saturday (good medicince, I might add). At one point, Eryn said she knew me well enough to know that I would respond to the baby class in relation to the quality of its teaching. I guess she knows me pretty well.